Proverbs With A Twist

I've been really busy today avoiding newspapers and the TV and instead as I was browsing around I found these and I decided they might be just what we all need about now. Nothing like a sprinkling of humor.

Subject: Proverbs with a twist.

Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead.
Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow.
Do not walk beside me, either.
Just leave me the hell alone.

The journey of a thousand miles begins with a
broken belt and a leaky tire.

It's always darkest before dawn.
So if you're going to steal the
neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.

We are born naked, wet, and hungry. Then
things get worse.

No one is listening until you make a mistake.

Always remember you're unique, just like
everone else.

Never test the depth of the water with both
feet.

It may be that the soul purpose in life is
simply to warn others.

It is far more impressive when others
discover your good qualities without your help.

If you think nobody cares if you're alive,
try missing a couple car payments.

If you tell the truth you don't have to
remember anything.

If you lend someone $20, and never see that
person again; it was probably worth it.

Never mess up an apology with an excuse.